Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
