ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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