To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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