How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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