Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
