What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
