you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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