the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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