i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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