My friends, they love my intelligence
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
