I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
