I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
