So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize