Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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