if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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