So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
