If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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