____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
