I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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