dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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