just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
