I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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