what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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