hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
