thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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