Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
