quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Who wears a wallet chain?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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