When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
