College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
