i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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