I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
