Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
