I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
