so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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