break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
