i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
