guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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