she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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