My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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