Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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