wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sex in a hospital.. check
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
