you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
