guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
porn star boner night. come get it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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