i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
