roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
