Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
