after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
