at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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