if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize