she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize