so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Randomize
