With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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