Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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