Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
