Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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