Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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