You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am midnight drunk by noon
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
