Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
