i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
