Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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