Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
