she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
