I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dicks are not precious.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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