I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
