so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
