But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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