Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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