Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
